


00.06

by verybi_verytired



Series: Angsty Headcanon Ficlets [6]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (Comics), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Ben Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Gen, Mentions of Blood, Non-Graphic Gore, Non-Graphic Violence, Self-Hatred, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-02-09 06:04:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18632308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/verybi_verytired/pseuds/verybi_verytired
Summary: Number Six - The Horror - Ben





	00.06

**Author's Note:**

> My son needs like,,, all the hugs?  
> The brother mentioned is definitely Klaus
> 
> This checks off a square on my Bad Things Happen bingo card: Self-Loathing

He didn’t hate himself.

Not really.

He was smart, kind, compassionate, etc.

He liked himself as a person, for the most part.

It was _Them_ he hated.

He hated what _They_ made him do.

He hated that their dad encouraged _Them_ and forced him to use _Them_.

He hated that he could hear the constant whispers from Them – all of them.

He housed a portal inside his body, one to a dimension that no human had ever seen before. If he meditated long enough, reached deep enough inside himself, he could see it.

Could see the odd coloured dirt and the dark sky and the weird looking vegetation.

Could see the creatures he could call forth and manipulate.

They were horrifying.

They looked like something out of a horror movie gone wrong. The first time he had seen Them he had panicked and ended up sobbing into his brother’s chest all night. How could those things even exist? Inside of him? Why could he understand Their language? Why did They want him to destroy everything and everyone?

He hated them.

And okay, maybe he hated himself a little too.

Especially after he used Them.

Especially after he saved his brother during a mission and felt absolutely no guilt for tearing apart the man who hurt his brother.

Especially when They whispered to him, telling him to rip his father apart for making his brother cry, and he actually wanted to.

He hated that They knew exactly what to say to make him want to hurt other people.

That They were willing to protect his siblings, in exchange for being able to kill and destroy.

That as he got older he didn’t hate Them as much as he should have.

Even when he was sobbing in the bath while his brother helped him wash the blood off he couldn’t really hate Them.

Because They had protected his family and that’s all he wanted.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a kudos and/or a comment if you enjoyed it!
> 
> [Come throw headcanons at me on Tumblr! I'm always a slut for angsty headcanons!](http://www.verybi-verytired.tumblr.com)


End file.
